Small talk is near the top of the list of things I loathe, somewhere between cleaning my toilet and expressing my puppy’s anal glands. Given that it’s the way most first dates go, my distaste for—and admittedly, ineptitude at—small talk has long felt like an obstacle in my romantic life. After all, the weather, work, and weekend plans are all common conversation fodder.
So when Instagram first served me an ad for Where Should We Begin? A Game Of Stories ($40, amazon.com), in Carrie Bradshaw fashion, I couldn’t help but wonder: Could a card game designed to prompt meaningful conversations about family, values, sex, and more take me and my dates below the surface, rescuing me from mindless small talk? I can tell you now that the answer is yes.
Since introducing the game to my dating life two years ago, first date banality has been replaced with depth—even when meeting people I didn’t go on second dates with. I also credit the game with putting my now partner and I on the fast track from the talking phase to the forever stage.
The game, explained
Where Should We Begin? was created by psychotherapist Esther Perel, MA, LMFT, author of two New York Times bestselling books (The State of Affairs and Mating in Captivity) and host of the podcast the game is named after. “It’s a storytelling game,” she tells SELF. Each round of the game invites the participants to talk about more than celeb gossip or sports, and instead share one of the stories of their life, Perel says.
The gameplay is similar to Cards Against Humanity. Inside the rectangular 12-inch by 4-inch by 2-inch box—which fits perfectly inside my go-to date tote—is a pack of 200 cards. But rather than sporting salacious statements and crude one-liners, the cards in Where Should We Begin? pose unique conversation prompts.
Some of the cues, like “My latest crush is…” and “The first time I masturbated…” are similar to questions you’d ask friends at a sleepover growing up. Others, like “Monogamy is…” and “The taste of power makes me…” are downright existential. Finally, some cards are straight-up horny, encouraging players to chat about their past experiences in bed, sexual needs, and desires or kinks. (These cards are conveniently marked with a pink triangle, so the game can be tamed to suit the audience.)