Paralympic Swimmer Jessica Long on Navigating Post-Competition Lows

I think there's a stigma

around taking any, like antidepressants, right?

Especially as athletes,

because we're told, you know, To push through,,

and, you know, as a swimmer, I'm racing the clock

and I push my body so hard every single day,

multiple times a day

that I just remember thinking,

Why can't I just get through this?

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I've competed in five Paralympic Games

and after every Paralympics,

from the time that I was 12 years old,

there's always that post blues, right?

It's just this feeling of, What next?

And you're on such a high,

and then all of a sudden, it comes just crashing, right?

And you're not in your routine anymore,

and you just don't even know what to do.

And for me, after Tokyo, you know, I had success, right?

I won three Gold Medals, two Silver, and a Bronze,

but I was out of my routine

and I was just struggling,

and didn't even know what to do

or how to keep moving forward.

And I really, really struggled because it wasn't me, right?

I didn't feel like myself,

you know, bubbly, happy, just full of life, I normally am,

and I just remember really struggling.

And I had never been that type of person

to not wanna get outta bed

or to not wanna get my nails done,

or just things that brought me joy,

and it wasn't getting better.

I just realized that I couldn't do it on my own,

and I think there's so much power

in being vulnerable, right?

And I think, you know, my whole life,

I've had to be so vulnerable with being an amputee

or being an athlete.

I didn't know how to be vulnerable with my mental health.

And I just really thought, Okay, what do I do?

My two little sisters

have really struggled with their mental health,

so they had been on antidepressants for a little bit.

And I think for me, when I decided to do it,

it was scary, right?

It was really scary, and just, you know,

I remember thinking, It wasn't that big of a deal,

but when it came time to have to take them every day,

it was really, really a challenge,

just thinking that, Wow, I feel like a failure.

if I have a therapist that I've talked to for seven years,

and, you know, I always say the same thing

sometimes over and over again,

but just this idea that, you know,

it's okay to not be okay,

and it doesn't really define you,

and there is so much power in being vulnerable.

And it took them for a little bit, for just what was needed,

and I just knew that I wanted to get back to feeling like me

and getting back into a routine,

and that's kind of why I took them.

And I think there's a stigma around

taking any, like, antidepressants, right?

Especially as athletes,

because we're told, you know, To push through,

and, you know, as a swimmer, I'm racing the clock

and I push my body so hard every single day,

multiple times a day

that I just remember thinking,

Why can't I just get through this?

Like, why do I feel so off?

Like, what am I doing wrong?

And that was probably the hardest part

is just that I couldn't work through it for some reason.

And I'm like, I have overcome every single obstacle

that's ever come my way, right?

I was adopted from Russia, born without my legs,

became a Paralympic Champion three times

when I was 12 years old.

And I just remember thinking, I can't get through this?

And it was just so bizarre.

I think it's important to get rid of that stigma

because I think more people are hurting than we know, right?

And I think everyone has their own internal battles.

It's been really, really important

to have those conversations,

and I think it's like a ripple effect, right?

When you are able to talk with your teammates

and, you know, our teammates,

we can relate to each other so well

with being part of Team USA

or being in an elite atmosphere.

I think the reception that I got just when,

you know, I started being vocal about it,

was really positive, right?

And I mean, I wouldn't probably have been able to take

antidepressants if it wasn't for a few of my teammates

who were on them as well.

And I think just, again, getting rid of that stigma that,

you know, there's something wrong with you,

or Wow, you're so weak

or you couldn't do it on your own?

Like I think we have to start getting rid of that stigma,

and it's okay to not always have it together.

It's okay to not always be super positive,

that it's actually really human and normal to have bad days,

and to be sometimes negative,

and to just to go through a tough season,

and I think we just have to continue to normalize it.

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