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As a person who teaches Zoom workshops about sexual pleasure and writes about it for the internet full-time, I’m regularly sent the latest and greatest sex toys—or at least, products vying for that title. These days, my supply closet looks more like an R-rated warehouse than a Staples aisle. But in both my personal and professional experience, few toys are as good as their marketing would have you believe. As a result, my bedside drawer—the spot where I stash my favorites—has plenty of room to spare. Sure, this is due in part because I have the luxury of getting to be choosy (see above: free sex toys), but the fact that I have a finicky vagina also contributes.
I have a hypertonic pelvic floor, which essentially means that the muscles can get stuck in a tightened position—much like a Charlie horse of the vaginal canal. These days, I’m in pelvic floor therapy, which has kept my symptoms (like pain during penetrative sex) at bay. But because penetration still occasionally feels more “ouch” than “ooh,” I generally avoid it when I’m masturbating. (Besides, I’m part of the 70% of vagina-havers who need clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm, so it’s never been much of an issue.)
Being picky with my pleasure products and having a pelvic floor condition can make it tricky for me to find a sex toy I’m heart-eyed about. But that’s exactly my facial expression when I’m using or talking about the FemmeFunn Ultra Wand ($75, amazon.com), which now makes a regular appearance in my sex life and has more than earned its place in my nightstand.
Look and feel
As its name suggests, the Ultra Wand is a wand vibrator, or a microphone-shaped external vibe. These toys have bulbous heads that stimulate a wide surface area and long handles that make it easy peasy to reach your hot spots, Gigi Engle, a COSRT-certified sex and relationship psychotherapist and resident intimacy expert at dating app 3Fun, tells SELF.